Numma 6: Grand Theft Auto Four is mentioned in the Bible Itself!

"Fuck me while playing Grand Theft Auto 4" demanded the horny bitch...so i proceeded to do just that, I then walloped her in the jaw with the butt of a rifle, like "Grand Theft Auto 4" Her mouth bleeding, teeth deformed, she asked again for me to do so, so...the thrusting continued. I lobbed a live grenade at her and then dived from my room window out into the street. A giant "Y" Button appeared above my head, a finger much like God's pressed it, and i pulled a passer by out of their vehicle and jumped in...i then said _________ < (enter any phrase from Niko Bellic Grand Theft Auto 4)

You don't have a clue what I'm talking about? You don't know what Grand Theft Auto 4 is? Then quite frankly i hate you. I fucking hate you with the same bubbling venom that shaitan haites Allah. I hate you, and if the chance was there...like...Niko...."I would probably Keel You"

Oh but what does this GTA4 game do to help us, how does it make for a better world you all moan at me. Well hello?? Because baffling enough, Grand Theft Auto Four is mentioned in the Bible Itself!!!!!!! Yes, the Bible Itself!!!!!!!!

Luke 24: "He said to them, "Why are you troubled? And why do doubts arise in your hearts? "Behold My hands and My feet, that it is I Myself. Handle Me and see, for a spirit does not have flesh and bones as you see I have." When He had said this, He showed them His hands and His feet. But while they still did not believe for joy, and marveled, He said to them, "Have you any food here?" So they gave Him a piece of a broiled fish and some honeycomb. And He took it and ate in their presence. The Lord then said to them "Behold, you will see me at the right seat of the Lord, and indeed Grand theft Auto 4 will be enjoyed now, as it will within the hearts of men"

FUCKING AMAZING!!! All this excitement and i haven't even played it yet. I've read minimum reviews as not to spoil a thing. Me and the...missus...seem to be going through a "patch" at the moment, so I've decided the best way to solve this, is by buying GTA4 and playing it until the early hours. :-| My reasoning being, if I'm playing GTA4, then I'm not upsetting her in an argument with my sharp cutting wit, quickfire responses which are better than hers, all around good looks, and general "I'm never wrong" type smugness. My buying and playing GTA4 is better for everybody. Me playing this game is even going to benefit you reading this now in some way.

A girl at work asked me if Grand Theft Auto Four was going to be released for the Wii Console. Yeah, the Nintendo Wii Console. I threw her out of the window. Our office is on the fifth floor. I watched her land on a parked car below, she hit it in slow motion. A Screaming sea of glass, claret. Then nothing but the sound of the mangled car horn filled the air. A tear forced itself from my eyes. I dabbed it, turned away from the window, straightened my tie, adjusted my black gloves like Niko, and continued, undeterred.

I respect some people might not actually know what this GTA4 thing is...at the current time, those people are being rounded up into camps, and shot, or forced into free labour. Either way, they are being taken care of. I'm picturing a few hard punches the to the face. And slaps round the back of the head...and the ladies???...dear god no, not the ladies.

Oh! whats that you say? you're one of those wimpering cocks who knows nothing about this game??? Oh lord above i hate you. If you could only feel how much. Ok first thing you should do then is go to wikipedia and enter "Grand theft Auto 4" Then feel misrable and left out as the snivelling PIG you are, as you roll around in your own swill like knowledge, content with the fact that you know NOTHING about the biggest Gaming event since probably San Andreas, San Andreas?? S..A...N A...N oh, you don't know what that is too? Oh for fu..

So the games release is four days away at the time of writing oh what, FOUR? Yeh well, when the day comes it will be a much more potent cut, the hit will be stronger, the kick harder...as Tony Montana probably never actually said "Ey de cocaina will be much stronger okay? Geez louis..." no no , as Tony Montana said "Ey, you...sheet, what is this fuckin rocket powder?? this shit just blew my fuckin head offf! I'm gonna blow your fuckin head offf" You are reading these amusing quotes with a Tony Montana accent right? Who's Tony Montan...oh for fuck sakes.

Look you play an Eastern European Immigrant and can run around a virtual new york killing, stealing getting drunk and anything else...teefing cars brother. It's the kind of shit you need. Also you can buy it for your little ones..ESBA rated the game "Ok for kids" in fact, any kids reading this right now...go out and do what the man in GTA4 does. You'll need a GUN first...

No more that's enough...

All this and i haven't even played the game yet. We all know once you get into the game, after the first few hours or so, it will be pretty much a normal game, but thats not the point, it will be GTA4!!!! The GAME...hahaha

*Hears feet running upstairs*

*Tactical FBI Unit burst through the door wearing riot helmets guns pointed at me flashlights in face*

"PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HEAD!!!!!!! We heard you type on the keys that "it will be pretty much a normal game???"

"No i i , i was writing a blog i didn't mea"

*Gunshot*

Dead...